I’ve been making a lot of decisions to do things differently, lately.
I made a decision to quit my guitar class. It was a difficult one because I really enjoy learning guitar. In fact, I enjoyed riding my little beach bike to the university twice a week with guitar on my back…feeling the quintessential cross between Gidget and an aspiring Sheryl Crow. But those good reasons didn’t outweigh the fact that the class itself, several aspects of it, were not working for me to the point of disrupting my energy field for hours. And the more I tried to make it work, the more out of alignment I got.
So I put on my Wonder Woman bracelets and did the hard thing. I decided to quit.
But the next day there I was not following through, and feeling real shitty.
Then, the next, and the next. Fuck. I did not want to let this go.
I knew exactly what my Soul wanted but when I imagined telling the teacher it was instant story time about how bad it would make him feel, how he’d want to change my mind, etc. etc. and how awful that would be for me. I also knew that when I turned to my sweetheart for support he would likely disagree with my decision.
This was paralyzing me. I sat with it and realized I was making some critical errors:
I needed to stop considering other people’s feelings. At all. I know it sounds dramatic in this day and age, but for sensitives over-consideration of other’s feelings stymies the inner warrior, leadership. Thinking about how someone else might feel can perpetually paralyze right action of the Self. In clear moments about “what’s right,” it is not necessary to take others feelings into account.
What if Rosa Parks had thought “I don’t want to make the driver late for dinner and get upset with me” and decided to give up her seat? For me, sometimes thinking of heroic female role models who stand in what’s right and true…and they abound right now… helps to mobilize the capacity to stand in truth and then take action.
How else can it be loving to not consider others feelings? Mothers do this with their kids all the time. That’s the Soul to Ego. It is always loving to stand in truth and light.
That’s love. And:
What’s right for me is also right for you. This is a tricky one to wrap your head around, because clearly two people can be of different minds about the same thing. But opinions and beliefs come from the Ego which is always acting on limited information. On an ultimate level, it is impossible for two Souls to be in disagreement… about anything. If something feels wrong for me, it is also wrong for you, even if you don’t yet realize it. I first learned this when I made the decision that we needed to move, which my partner initially very much opposed. I trust my truth, even when others disagree. It is hard to make this call, but at this point it would be harder to ignore it. Love does what’s right, even when it’s hard. That’s love.
I needed to stop confusing approval with support. Ever done this?: I think I’m informing my husband of decisions that I’ve already gotten clear on, when I’m secretly asking “you do agree with and approve (and so love me), right?” Hmmm, but he often doesn’t agree. Because has his own Ego filter and can only respond through that. Yet on a Soul level he is absolutely accepting and unconditionally loving, whatever I do. He has proven this over and over again by standing by me during many decisions I’ve made in which he would do differently. That’s love.
What is love, to you? Is it agreement on all sides? Is it me, taking care of your feelings? Or is it doing what’s right for me — and trusting that’s what’s right for all? Libra’s shadow is too much empathizing, confusing approval with love, over-consideration about others wants and desires, instead of what I WANT & DESIRE, all to the detriment of Self (Aries). This particular Libra New Moon is a time to reconsider any of your more shadowy Libra habits.
As a result of all this overdeveloped shadowy Libra action, I had lost touch with my backbone, and was waffling. I had been feeling as spineless as a jellyfish; I questioned whether I had courage at all! (Yikes, yes, just empathic). To locate your literal and metaphorical backbone, sink into your spine. When I sank into my spine, energetically, it was there, just obscured by the above. I kept returning to my backbone, my energy lit up, like a sunrise at dawn.
Make your desires your guide. As Venus makes her retrograde passage through 11/16 in the signs of Scorpio (in Scorpio till 10/30, then Libra) first and foremost it is time to develop a deeper relationship with our Soul’s truth. What do you really WANT? Really. Don’t listen to your mind, but your feelings and your gut. What feels pleasurable, right for you (and what absolutely, honestly, does not)? Listen. This is Truth. Take your time– she’s in the underworld for 40 days.
While noodling on the guitar, I’d been exploring how pleasure likes to go slow, meander, figure out what she likes… That’s what I want to experience while learning this new skill. As we each get clearer and more honest about our bottom lines, about what we really want, people may react, the cards will fall where they may. We can allow that to happen. Because that’s love, too.